hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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