Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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