Pants 0. Shit 1.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
