So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
