after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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