i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
