So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
