While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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