He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
