I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
