I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize