Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
