ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
