Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
