Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
