and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
