I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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