WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
