His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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