Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize