in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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