I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize