Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
