Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
