I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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