If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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