I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
