I didn't shave. On purpose
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
