I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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