you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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