I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
