then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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