I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
