We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
