So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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