Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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