i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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