i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
