Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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