Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was confusing and full of hummus
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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