I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
