i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
