hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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