Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
