you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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