I could have mohawked her pubes.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
