Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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