For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
