Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
