I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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