Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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