Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
