im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There r osticjed everywhere
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
