one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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