My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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