wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
