omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
