I think im going to throw up on grandma
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
