I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
