sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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