I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
