the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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