My nipple is on Facebook.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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