I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
