why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
