sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
