Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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