My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
