oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
did i walk over a car last night?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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