A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
