He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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