she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
