i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
