So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
