It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
