imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
